weight loss (again)

So I may be writing a lot on this subject in the coming months, years who knows? All I know is something in me clicked. I don’t know what it was, maybe I just ran out of excuses for myself? When I was in school it was we do PE twice a week that’s enough, then 6^th form in the same school it was harder as there was so much coursework (another excuse), then I left and had no job meaning I didn’t have the money to pay for the gym especially as the local gym wanted £60 first month £30 PM after (yet again an excuse) then I got a job but I was working 8-6 every day by the time I got home I was so tired I’d have my tea and go to bed (excuse) and all though I had these excuses and some of them are legit and difficult to work around (how can you work over 50 hours a week, still see family which was rare, have friends even rarer for me to hang out with them, sleep and exercise? I’m not wonder woman)

But now my hours have dropped meaning so have my wages BUT I still get money and I’ve found this new scheme around where I live. It’s called invigor8 and you can use the pool and gym (brand new gym has just opened) all for £15 PM and it’s unlimited usage so I go swimming nearly every day unless I’m in work late.

As from tomorrow I’m going to the gym AS WELL AS swimming. I don’t what clicked but I just want this weight gone, I’m sick of being the one who boys think of as a joke or a friend at most, I’m sick of people taking the absolute piss when it comes to weight and I would LOVE to see the looks on the faces of those I went to school with who took the piss, lads that blew me off in such a nasty manner etc. I think it’d be brilliant.

Now I don’t know if I’ve lost anything but I am a dress size down and I’m entering week 9 of swimming tomorrow. I stupidly didn’t weigh myself as I didn’t want to be driven by numbers in case I went overboard like in the past.

If you’re going through what I am and you’re debating about losing weight start swimming, power through the fact you don’t want to, the first few times I went I was such a slow swimmer I felt like I was literally swimming through treacle, it felt so monotonous and tiring but now I’m faster, I don’t need breaks anymore and I am much faster now I can actually got to the lane which is sectioned off for the super fast swimmers and do a few lengths there.

I now know my weight and I pray that I lose some and soon, I think if this doesn’t work with all the work I’m putting in and plan on putting in even more I think I will actually cry.

Panic! At the disco

So I heard that Spencer Smith is leaving Panic! At the disco. I've love this band for 7 years. Luckily ive seen them play twice both times when Ian and Dallon were there. The second time my mates and I got meet and greets, the band were amazing but the thing I remember the most was Spencer, so calm , so lovely (as were the rest of the band of course) but I stood next to him for a photo whilst my two other mates sorted themselves around the rest of the band. I had Spencer to my left Ian (who was so nervous bless him) to my right and I remember so much. The way he was chewing gum and smelt mildly minty, the fact that he was so thin I was worried I'd squish and hurt the poor guy, the way he put his arm around me and the words he said to me as we moved in closer (there was a fair gap I was too nervous to get too close but he relaxed me) I remember the way they all smiles when we presented them with a lern yerself Scouse book praying they'd learn Scouse and come to Liverpool (we were in machester) now Now I'm not going to lie but Brendon had been my crush since I was 15-16 but I have never admired one man the way I have Spencer Smith. He stuck with the band when Ryan and John left, he could've called it a day but he didn't, him and Brendon carried on for us, I admired him more for coming clean about his addiction and whilst I'm sad he's leaving I respect and admire him more for telling us personally not just telling a magazine or letting rumours do the work for him. Spencer James Smith you will always have our hearts and thank you for everything ❤️